My Stupid Intentions by Bernardo Zannoni

Author:Bernardo Zannoni
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: New York Review Books
Published: 2023-06-13T00:00:00+00:00

12

Like an Animal

EVEN TODAY I find the sequence of events curious. How I went from great joy to tragedy in only seconds. Back then I thought it was God’s malice, God meddling with my happiness, but now I can say that it was my existence that was out of place, the only anomaly in a design that was already staring me in the face.

I sent Joel to find a doctor, as fast as his feet would carry him. I dragged the old fox to his room, still unconscious; he was breathing heavily, his tongue lolling from his bloodstained mouth. An overpowering anxiety took possession of every part of me, replacing me bodily. In a sense it was if I’d disappeared from the room, leaving behind a trembling shadow, a mere noise beside the bed. I did nothing but sit there, not thinking about anything, my head hanging on by a spider’s thread. The candlelight illuminated Solomon’s frowning muzzle but sometimes flickered out entirely, making his face monstrous, and I closed my eyes, trying to remember it. I waited an interminable while. Then the dog returned with the doctor, the same one he had fetched for me. The doctor seemed even more frightened than the last time, what with his panting and his ruffled coat, his breath that still reeked of sleep. I told him what had happened, and while I talked he nodded, casting glances at the old fox, my tone only adding to his nervousness. Then he sat down on the bed and began his examination. An intolerable silence descended. He opened Solomon’s mouth, peered at his tongue, listened to his breathing. Joel and I looked on expectantly. His treasures, the objects of man that he’d collected over a lifetime, were scattered around the room. He would never have allowed us to linger there; it would have made him furious. The thought must have occurred to both of us, because the dog went out a few moments later and sat waiting outside the door. When the beaver had finished his examination, he stood and looked at me. I didn’t like his look at all. It left me even more anxious, my guts all knotted up. We went out of the room, and he fixed his gaze on both of us.

“I don’t know what he’s got,” he said in a faint voice. He hunched, as if to defend himself from an attack, and took a breath. “But he’s dying.”

All three of us stood there completely still. The doctor’s eyes leapt back and forth between us, trying to figure out what we intended to do. A long time passed. The feeling that I’d disappeared grew stronger, fear turned into certainty, and, in a sense, I became calm. Joel was the first to move, making his way slowly to the window only to stop again. That horrible silence was too much for the doctor.

“I don’t know what he’s got,” he repeated, but neither of us offered a word or gesture in response.

The sun was rising behind the trees, coloring the sky blue.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.